I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
