broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
