get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
