I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
