He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
