I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
