I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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