the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
