My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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