she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
