I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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