My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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