maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
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I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
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I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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