im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
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