the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
