Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
