I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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