you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
