I feel like I'm in dance class right now
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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