this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
