I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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