You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
