Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
