So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
it's like heaven, but drunker
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
