Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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