Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Hippo gnu deer
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.