Porn is love you can see.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
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Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
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i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.