my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.