I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
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You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
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Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling