he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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