??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
