I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
