At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
