the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
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I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage