med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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