stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
