Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
