Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
