She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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