I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
