new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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