I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
