Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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