so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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