I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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