Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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