I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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