no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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