I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
you had me at cake vodka
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
