a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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