my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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