i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
