Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
