Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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