I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
