there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
