Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
