so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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