I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
