Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Randomize
