This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
