just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
