my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
vagina is talking i cant
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
