The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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