sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
