just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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