if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
