I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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