guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
