hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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